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[WHIRRING]
Can I persuade you to take a sandwich with you, sir?
I'll get drive-through.
[BEEPS]
[PEOPLE CHATTERING]
You're counting on the winged avenger to deliver you from evil...
...aren't you, my friend?
Are you gonna kill me?
Maybe, maybe not. You can say we're of two minds on the subject. Ha!
Are you a gambling man?
What say we flip for it?
One man is born a hero, his brother, a coward.
Babies starve, politicians grow fat...
...holy men are martyred, and junkies grow legion.
Why? Why? Why?
Luck.
Blind, stupid, simple, doo-da, clueless luck. Ha-ha-ha.
[WHIMPERING]
The wrath of toss.
The only true justice.
Let's see what justice has in store...
...for you.
[CHUCKLING]
Oh! It's like the touch of God. Wait, wait, wait.
Oh-oh!
Fortune smiles, another day of wine and roses.
Or, in your case, beer and pizza. Ha!
Out of here!
-But you said you'd let me live. -Too true, and so you shall.
Nothing better than live bait to trap a bat.
[HELICOPTER WHIRRING, INDISTINCT CONVERSATIONS]
What if we could get some kind of a horn?
[CHATTERING]
Hot entrance.
Two-Face?
Two guards are dead. He's holding a third hostage.
-Didn't see this one coming. CHASE: We should have, though.
The Second Bank of Gotham on the--
Second anniversary of the day I captured him.
CHASE: How could Two-Face resist?
I'm Chase Meridian.
I asked Dr. Meridian to come to Gotham to consult on this case.
She specializes in--
Abnormal Psychology, multiple personalities. I read your work.
Insightful. Naive, but insightful.
I'm flattered. Not every girl makes a superhero's night table.
Can we reason with him? He's holding innocent people up there.
It won't do any good. He'll slaughter them without thinking twice.
A trauma powerful enough to create an alternate personality leaves the victim--
In a world where normal rules of right and wrong no longer apply.
-Exactly. CHASE: Like you.
I could write a hell of a paper...
...on a grown man who dresses like a flying rodent.
Bats aren't rodents, Dr. Meridian.
Really? I didn't know that.
You are interesting.
[HELICOPTER APPROACHING]
And call me Chase.
By the way, do you have a first name or do I just call you Bats?
Let's start this party with a bang.
[RUMBLING]
[CACKLING]
Very punctual, even for his own funeral.
Boys, kill the bat.
[GRUNTING]
Ha, ha. Ha.
[TWO-FACE LAUGHING]
[ELEVATOR BELL DINGS]
Blast him.
Open sesame.
[MUMBLING]
[GROANS]
[GRUNTING]
It's a trap.
Oh, no!
[SCREAMING]
[PEOPLE YELLING]
TWO-FACE [ON RADIO]: Attention, citizens of fair Gotham.
[TWO-FACE LAUGHING]
When we open that safe, we'll have everything we ever wanted.
Enough cash to rain down upon fair Gotham...
...a glorious flood of chaos.
And, of course, you, my boy, dead. Ha-ha-ha.
[GUARD SCREAMS]
Oh, no, it's boiling acid.
For your dying pleasure we're serving the same acid...
...that made us the men we are today. Ha-ha-ha.
[WHIMPERING]
GUARD: No. BATMAN: Hold on.
Yes.
[LAUGHING]
Haul away.
Yes, haul away.
-Give me your hand. -Don't let go.
[GASPS]
Oh! Oh.
-I'm gonna have to borrow this. -Aah!
Hey. Hey, that's my hearing aid.
Thanks.
[WHIMPERING]
GUARD: My shoes are melting. Oh!
[CLANK]
Oh, oh.
No more!
Aah!
Oh! Ah!
[WHIMPERING]
-Hang on. -Hang on?
Whoa!
[GUARD SCREAMING]
[COUGHS]
MAN: Get him down. Get him down.
Hey, take it easy with him, fellows.
You'll be all right, young man. Just stay calm. Easy, just easy.
[MUMBLING]
This will fix him. Ha-ha-ha.
Hang on, Batty! Ha-ha-ha.
[SCREAMING]
[LAUGHING]
Ah.
[CHUCKLES] Let's see.
Yes.
Yes, yes, yes. Oh, happy day.
[LAUGHS]
Farewell forever to that pointy-eared night rat.
Face.
-Hey, Face! -Hmm?
-Die! -No!
[GRUNTING]
Oh!
You need help, Harvey. Give it up.
[TWO-FACE LAUGHS, GRUNTS]
[LAUGHING]
Have the good taste to die.
See you.
[LAUGHING]
[GASPING]
NEWSCASTER: Despite a valiant effort last night by Batman...
...Harvey Two-Face is still at large and extremely dangerous.
And in other news today, billionaire Bruce Wayne...
...has extended his trend-setting profit-sharing program...
...to the employees of the highly successful Electronics Division...
...of Wayne Enterprises.
[ELEVATOR BELL DINGS]
-Mr. Wayne. BRUCE: Hello, Fred.
FRED: Your inspections are a departmental highlight.
Oh, my God, it's him.
I am a winner. I am a winner. I am a winner.
[CACKLING]
Bioremediation. Alternative fuel.
Mr. Wayne, look at that time.
Perhaps we should get to R&D as soon as possible.
Mister....
Ohhh.... Bruce Wayne.
No, that's my name. And you are?
Nygma. Edward. Edward Nygma.
You hired me personally. Just like I tell everyone.
We've never actually met, but your name was on the hiring slip.
-I have it. -I'm gonna need that hand back, Ed.
Oh. Yes, of course. I'm sorry.
It's just that...
...you're my idol.
Back to work, Edward.
And some people have been trying to keep us apart.
-Back to work, Edward. BRUCE: It's okay.
So, Mr. Nygma, what's on your mind?
Precisely. What's on all our minds?
Brain waves.
[CHUCKLES]
The future of Wayne Enterprises...
...is brain waves.
I'm gonna have to apologize. I personally terminated his project this morning.
It's okay.
I have it.
Voilà.
Huh?
My invention beams any TV signal directly into the human brain.
By stimulating neurons, manipulating brain waves, if you will...
...this device makes the audience feel like they're inside the show.
Why be brutalized by an uncaring world?
Did you say, "Manipulating brain waves"?
Well--
-Yes. -Hmm.
EDWARD: But...
...someone like you would never need it.
Someone so...
...intelligent, witty and charming.
[SIREN WAILING IN DISTANCE]
I just need a bit of additional funding for human trials.
-Let me show you, please. -Now, listen, Ed...
...l want a full set of technical schematics on this, okay?
I want you to know we'll be full partners in this, Bruce.
Look at us. Two of a kind.
You call my assistant, Margaret. She'll set something up.
Ahhh....
That's not gonna be good for me.
I need an answer now.
I think I deserve it.
I'm sorry, Ed, then the answer is no.
Tampering with people's brain waves, mind manipulation....
It just raises too many questions. Sorry.
Thanks, everybody, keep up the good work. Factory looks great.
FRED: All right, everyone, back to work.
We'll discuss this later.
You were supposed to understand.
I'll make you understand.
Lock.
Chair.
-Alfred. -I saw the signal, sir.
All is ready.
[ELEVATOR BELL DINGS]
[SPARKS BUZZING]
BATMAN: Commissioner Gordon? CHASE: He's at home.
I sent the signal.
What's wrong?
Last night at the bank I noticed something about Two-Face.
His coin.
It's his Achilles' heel.
-It can be exploited. -I know.
You called me here for this?
The Bat-Signal is not a beeper.
Well, I wish I could say that my interest in you...
...was purely professional.
Are you trying to get under my cape, doctor?
A girl can't live by psychoses alone.
It's the car, right? Chicks love the car.
[CHUCKLES]
What is it about the wrong kind of man?
In grade school, it was guys with earrings.
College: motorcycles, leather jackets.
Now--
CHASE [GROANS]: Oh.
--black rubber.
Try a fireman. Less to take off.
I don't mind the work. Pity I can't see behind the mask.
-We all wear masks. -My life's an open book. You read?
I don't blend in at a family picnic.
Oh, we could give it a try. I'll bring the wine...
...you bring your scarred psyche.
-Direct, aren't you? -You like strong women.
I've done my homework.
Or do I need skintight vinyl and a whip?
I haven't had that much luck with women.
Maybe you just haven't met the right woman.
[DOOR OPENS]
I saw the signal. What's going on?
BATMAN: Nothing. CHASE: Ahem.
False alarm.
Are you sure?
Women.
[EDWARD EXCLAIMING EXCITEDLY]
EDWARD: Okay...
...now I've got it! Hah.
Too many questions. There's too many questions.
There's just too many--
[MUMBLING]
I'll show you it works.
What the hell is going on here?
I told you this project is terminated. I'm calling security.
Caffeine will kill you!
[GASPS]
EDWARD: Rise and shine, little guinea pig.
What are you doing, Nygma? Untie me.
This won't hurt a bit.
At least, I don't think it will.
[DEVICE BUZZING]
What are you doing? Nygma.
-You touch that switch and-- -Which one? This?
[DEVICE ACTIVATING]
Uh-oh. Ooh.
[MUFFLED LAUGHING]
Ah.
[DEVICE BUZZING]
[DEVICE POWERING DOWN]
-Losing resolution. More power. -Ooh.
[BOTH SCREAMING]
[BOTH BABBLING]
[INHALES DEEPLY]
Edward Nygma, come on down...
...you're the next contestant on Brain Drain.
Um-chee-uh-ah.
I'll take what's inside thick skull number one.
-What have we got for him, Johnny? -Oh.
Ooh-hoo-hoo. Stickley, I'm having a breakthrough.
And a breakdown? Maybe!
Nevertheless, I'm smarter. I'm a genius.
No, several geniuses.
A gaggle, a swarm, a flock of freaking Freuds.
Riddle me this, Fred.
What is everything to someone and nothing to everyone else?
Your mind, baby.
And now mine pumps with the power of yours.
[SINGING] I'm sucking up your IQ
Vacuuming your cortex
Feeding off your brain
Fred!
[DEVICE BEEPING]
[SUCKING]
[GRUNTING]
[DEVICE POWERING DOWN]
[PANTING]
[YELLING]
What a rush.
What the hell just happened?
[CHUCKLES]
A very surprising side effect.
While you were mesmerized by my 3-D TV...
...l utilized your neural energy to grow smarter.
Bruce Wayne was right.
You demented, bizarre, unethical toad. It is brain manipulation.
I'm reporting you to the FCC...
...the Human Experimentation Board, the AMI, and the police.
You are going up on charges, to court...
...to jail, and then to a mental institution for the rest of your twisted little life.
But first and foremost, Nygma, you are fired.
Do you hear me? Fired!
Mmm.
I don't think so.
[GRUNTS]
[SCREAMING]
Oh!
[SOBBING]
Hang on!
[PANTING]
Fred, babe...
...you are fired.
Or should I say terminated?
[FRED SCREAMING]
Surf's up, big kahuna!
[WATER SPLASHING]
Ooh. Nice form, but a little rough on the landing.
He may have to settle for the bronze.
[LAUGHING MANIACALLY]
Questions, Mr. Wayne? My work raises too many questions?
Why hasn't anybody...
...put you in your place?
NEWSCASTER: Harvey Dent, once Gotham's District Attorney...
...was horribly scarred by underworld kingpin, Boss Moroni.
Although Batman tried to save him, Dent's left-brain damage...
...transformed him into a violent criminal...
[PHONE RINGS]
-...who blames Batman... -Wayne Manor.
...and who has vowed to destroy the Dark Knight.
-Harvey Two-Face is extremely dangerous. -Ah.
Repeat, extremely--
That was the Commissioner Gordon, sir.
There's been an accident at Wayne Enterprises.
-Horrible way to die. -Yes.
The video surveillance cameras are down here.
Good. We'll dredge the river, but with that current, I doubt we'll ever find the body.
[SOBBING] Why? Oh, why?
I just can't believe it.
Two years working in the same office.
He was like my father, my brother...
...or a cousin that visits all the time.
Get a grip, Edward.
I found this in my cubicle.
You'll find the handwriting matches his exactly...
...as does sentence structure and spelling.
[SOBBING]
I couldn't possibly continue on here.
The memories....
This is last night's security log.
There's Stickley.
[EDWARD CONTINUES SOBBING]
[GLASS SHATTERING, FRED SCREAMING]
Pretty cut-and-dry.
Yep, definitely suicide.
Thanks very much for your help, Bruce. We'll be in touch.
BRUCE: Stickley's suicide. It doesn't make sense. Thanks.
I want full benefits for his family.
Suicide's not covered by our corporate insurance policy.
I know. Full benefits.
Gossip Gerty has called a record 32 times.
-Who are you taking to the charity circus? BRUCE: I'll let you know. What's this?
I don't know. I didn't see anyone.
[BRUCE READING NOTE]
That's hideous. What does it mean?
It's a riddle.
"Numbers on my face, 1 3."
One through 1 2. The answer is a clock.
Who would send you a riddle?
That, Maggie, is the riddle.
[SIGN BUZZING]
[RINGING]
[WHIRRING]
[CACKLING]
[WHIRRING]
Guess what I did today.
[RINGING]
[SNIPPING]
[CACKLING]
EDWARD: Wayne Manor.
Hmp!
See you soon.
[HORN HONKS]
Dr. Meridian, please. Thank you.
[POUNDING]
[WOMAN GRUNTING]
[PANTING]
l--
l...
...guess I'm early.
I have an appointment. I'm Bruce Wayne.
Good. Then you can afford to buy me a new door.
l-- Sorry.
l--
[GRUNTS]
You sounded like you were in--
In--
You know, trouble.
I prefer healthy expressions of violence as opposed to breaking and entering.
-Hmm. -So how can I help you, Mr. Wayne?
Oh. Someone's been sending me love letters.
One at my office, and one last night at my home.
l-- Commissioner Gordon thought you might give me your expert opinion.
Clock.
[CHASE READING NOTE]
A match.
My opinion, this letter writer is a total wacko.
Wacko? That a technical term?
Patient may suffer from obsessional syndrome...
...with potential homicidal tendencies. Does that work better for you?
So, what you're saying is this guy's a total wacko.
Exactly.
He's obsessed with you.
His only escape may be to purge the fixation.
To kill me.
I think you understand obsession better than you let on.
You have a thing for bats?
Oh, that's a Rorschach, Mr. Wayne. An inkblot.
People see what they want.
I think the question would be, do you have a thing for bats?
Still playing with dolls, doctor?
CHASE: She's a Malaysian dream warden.
Some cultures believe she protects you from bad dreams.
It's silly to you, I'm sure.
You look so sad.
Do you need one?
Me? No. Why would I?
You're not exactly what you seem, are you, Bruce Wayne?
What is it you really came here for?
Yikes, time's up.
That's usually my line.
-Listen, I'd love to stay here chatting-- -Mm. Would you?
I'm not so sure.
I've really gotta get you out of those clothes.
-Excuse me? -And into a black dress.
Tell me, doctor, do you like the circus?
[LIVELY MUSIC PLAYING]
[APPLAUSE]
RINGMASTER: Ladies and gentlemen...
...boys and girls of all ages...
...welcome to the greatest show on Earth.
Bruce, who is this beautiful young woman you're with?
-Dr. Chase Meridian. -A doctor? What kind of doctor?
RINGMASTER: --for Gotham Children's Hospital.
Let's thank our largest single donor: Bruce Wayne!
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
Ladies and gentlemen...
...70 feet above the ground...
...performing feats of unimaginable aerial skill...
...the Flying Graysons.
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
[AUDIENCE EXCLAIMING]
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
[GRUNTS]
[AUDIENCE GASPING]
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
Listen, I'm going rock climbing this weekend.
Would you like to join me?
Oh, um....
I'd like to, I love climbing. I mean, I really love it.
-But? -I've met someone.
That's fast work. You just moved here.
Well, you could say he just kind of dropped out of the sky...
...and bang!
I think he felt it too.
-Sure did. -What?
Well, who wouldn't?
RINGMASTER: And now...
[APPLAUSE]
...Richard, the youngest Flying Grayson...
...will perform the awe-inspiring death drop...
...without the safety of a net.
[APPLAUSE]
[MUMBLING]
-Okay, let's go. -You'll be all right.
[AUDIENCE GASPS]
[AUDIENCE GASPS, CHEERS]
Ladies and gentlemen...
...the new management of the Circus International...
...invites you to forget this good, clean, wholesome all-American fun...
...and join us in a celebration of absolute chaos and true jesters.
Bring it on. Bring it on, now.
[PEOPLE SCREAMING]
[LAUGHING]
[LAUGHS]
Tonight, a new act for your personal amazement.
-We call it Massacre Under the Big Top. -Ha-ha-ha.
If we may direct your attention to the middle of the center ring.
Inside this harmless-looking orb are two--
That's 200 sticks of TNT.
And in our innocent hand, a radio detonator.
-What the hell do you want, Harvey? -Want, Mr. Mayor?
One simple thing: Batman.
Bruised, broken, bleeding. In a word: dead!
[LAUGHING]
-Batman. TWO-FACE: Who do we have before us?
Gotham's finest, well-to-do, influential. Surely one of you knows who Batman is.
Hell, odds are, one of you pasty-faced twits is Batman.
You have two minutes.
[PEOPLE SCREAMING]
[BOMB TICKING]
[SCREAMING CONTINUES]
Harvey.
I'm Batman!
Bruce.
Whoo-hoo! Ha-ha-ha.
[GRUNTS]
We could stop them. If we go out on the rigging.
-Be careful, boys. -Don't worry, Mom.
[GRUNTS]
[AUDIENCE EXCLAIMING]
Go to work, boys. Ha-ha.
Oof!
Ha!
Our kind of day.
MOM: Reach for it. Stop it.
[GUNFIRE]
Oh, my God.
[ALL SCREAMING]
Ha!
[GASPS]
[GRUNTING]
[BOMB BEEPS THEN EXPLODES]
[BREATHING HEAVILY]
[HOOTING]
[CAR DOOR OPENS]
Bruce.
It's good of you to take him in. He hasn't anyone now.
We've had him filling out papers all day. He hasn't slept, he hasn't even eaten.
[HOOTING]
Welcome, Master Grayson. I'm Alfred.
How you doing, Al?
There's a room for you upstairs...
...but perhaps you'd like to get something to eat first.
Okay, I'm out of here.
Excuse me?
I figured telling that cop I'd stay here...
...saved me a truckload of social service interviews and charities.
So, no offense, but no thanks. See you.
Take it easy, Al.
[CLEARS THROAT]
BRUCE: Where will you go?
The circus must be halfway to Metropolis by now.
I'll get a fix on Two-Face. Then I'm gonna kill him.
Killing Two-Face won't take the pain away. It'll make it worse.
Look, spare me the sermons, all right, Bruce?
I don't need your advice and I don't need your charity.
-That's a nice bike. -Hang out at a lot of biker bars, Bruce?
You're almost on empty. Why don't you fill up in the garage?
There's not a gas station around here for miles.
BRUCE: Pump's over here.
Is this a garage or a car museum, Bruce?
DICK: Oh, wow.
-It's a 1 91 7 Harley. -Yep.
Indian classic, fully restored.
This is a Vincent Black Knight. They only made, like, a hundred of these.
A hundred and one, actually. She's my favorite.
-You've got two of them. -Yeah, that one doesn't run, though.
Throttle sticks on this one.
Alfred's actually a very good mechanic, but some of these need a lot of work.
If someone were to fix them up, they could keep one as a fee.
Anyway, have a nice trip.
I'm sure you'll land on your feet.
Is the young master leaving? Pity.
I'll just toss this away, then. Perhaps the dogs are hungry.
Hey, AI, wait up.
[TALKING INDISTINCTLY]
[GUNSHOT]
[THUNDER RUMBLING]
"That where there is hatred, I will bring love.
That where there is wrong, I may bring the spirit of forgiveness.
That where there is despair, I may bring hope.
That where there are shadows, I may bring light.
That where there is sadness, I may bring joy.
Lord, grant that I may seek rather to comfort than to be comforted.
To understand, than to be understood.
To love, than to be loved."
[THUNDER CRASHING]
ALFRED: Master Bruce?
[LIGHT SWITCH CLICKS]
Master Bruce?
Just like my parents.
It's happening again.
A monster comes out of the night, a scream, two shots.
-I killed them. -What did you say?
He killed them. Two-Face. He slaughtered that boy's parents.
No. No, you said, "I." "I killed them."
[SIREN WAILING]
-Take care of the kid. -Certainly, sir.
[FOOTSTEPS]
Can I help you settle in, Master Grayson?
No.
Thanks, I won't-- I won't be staying long.
Oh.
Is this a robin?
My brother's wire broke once and I swung out and grabbed him.
My father said I was his hero.
I flew in like a robin.
Some hero I turned out to be.
But your father was right. You are a hero. I can tell.
Throw this away, will you, Alfred? I won't be needing it anymore.
I think I'll just put it in here.
[OPENS DRAWER]
[CLOSES DRAWER]
Broken wings mend in time.
One day Robin will fly again. I promise.
[LAUGHING]
Aah-aah!
[LAUGHING]
Whoa!
[SCREAMS]
Aah! Ah-ha.
[TIRES SQUEALING]
[GRUNTING]
We'll drive, thank you.
[LAUGHING]
[GUNFIRE CONTINUES]
[LAUGHS]
[BEEPING]
[GASPS]
TWO-FACE: Aah!
[TWO-FACE YELLING]
The Puzzler?
The Gamester?
Captain Kill?
Question Mark Man?
No, no, no.
[RINGING]
[SIGHS]
[CACKLING]
Ohhh....
Thank you. Thank you so much.
[LAUGHING]
[SIRENS WAILING]
The Bat's stubborn refusal to expire...
...is driving us insane.
Don't worry, baby.
[CHUCKLES]
You'll kill him soon.
Besides, I made your favorite tonight.
-Sparkling champagne... -Oh.
...yummy poached salmon with little itty-bitty quail eggs...
...and a creamy, dreamy lemon soufflé.
No, I made your favorite.
A charred heart of black boar...
...a side of raw donkey meat...
...and a Sterno and grain alcohol, straight up, baby!
[LAUGHING]
Perfect. Ladies, you spoil us.
We're of two minds about what to eat first.
-What? -I hope you made extra.
TWO-FACE: Who the hell are you?
Just a friend.
But you can call me...
...the Riddler.
I'll call you dead, is more like it. How did you find us here? Talk.
But then if I talked...
...what would keep you from slaying me, O Segregated One?
By the way, that's never gonna heal if you don't stop picking.
-Let's see if you bleed green. -Harvey...
-Ha-ha-ha. -...l don't think it's me you wanna kill.
That's just too easy for someone as powerful as you...
...and you.
But Batman...
[GASPS]
...there's a challenge.
-Kill the Bat! Sounds like a good idea. -Ha-ha-ha.
But have you thought it through?
A few bullets, a quick splash of blood, and then what?
Wet hands.
Post-homicidal depression.
[MOCK-CRYING]
-Why not humiliate him first? -Yeah.
Expose his frailties. And then, when he is at his weakest...
-...crush him. -Heh.
-I see that sparkle in your left eye. -Heh.
[WHISPERS] I can help you get Batman.
That is, if you'll spare my life for just a few moments.
Heh.
[SIGHS]
Thank you.
I simply love what you've done with this place.
Heavy Metal meets House and Garden. Ha-ha-ha.
Beautiful.
It's so dark and Gothic...
...and disgustingly decadent. Ahhh....
Yet so bright and chipper...
...and conservative.
[WHISTLES]
It's so you.
And yet, so you.
[CHUCKLES]
Very few people are both a summer and a winter...
-...but you pull it off nicely. -Hah!
[GUNSHOT, BULLET RICOCHETS]
What's the point, big boy?
Has anybody ever told you you have a serious impulse-control problem?
This is the point.
[DEVICE ACTIVATING]
This is how I found you.
Let me demonstrate.
[MOANS]
This is your brain on the Box.
-Aah! -This is my brain on the Box.
Does anybody else feel like a fried egg?
I'll have a bit more. Thank you.
Oh, there's more. But only the first one's free.
Here's the bargain.
You will help me steal production capital so I can put a Box on every TV in town...
...and become Gotham's cleverest carbon-based life form.
And in return--
Is everybody paying attention?
--I will help you solve the greatest riddle of all.
The mother of all riddles:
-Who is Batman? -Hmm.
You have broken into our hideout.
[CHUCKLES]
-You have violated the sanctity of our lair. -Oh!
For this, we should crush your bones into powder.
However, you pose a most interesting proposition.
Therefore, heads, we accept, and tails, we blow your damn head off.
[AGITATED CHATTER]
[LAUGHING]
Here's a good one.
No, no, no.
There is a good one.
Leave that, Master Dick. I'll attend to it.
Ahem. I'm not used to being waited on, Al.
-Don't shoot me, please. -Don't you eyeball me! Give me that!
[GRUNTING, CHATTERING]
RIDDLER: Hey, Two-Face, show me how to punch a guy.
It's dirt-simple, my boy.
Ball up the fist, reach way back and assert yourself.
-Aah! -Ooh!
-That looks like fun. Let me try, let me try. -Ball up the fist...
-Ball up the fist, way back-- -...reach way back, assert yourself.
Aah! Ow!
One hundred thousand, two hundred and twenty-- One hundred and--
I lost count!
[ALL LAUGH]
NEWSCASTER 1: In Gotham, last night...
...another robbery perpetrated by the city's green-suited menace...
...resulting in millions in diamonds stolen, with no sign of Batman.
NEWSCASTER 2: Teamed with Two-Face...
...this new criminal's pattern of marking his crimes with puzzles...
...has Gothamites calling him the Riddler.
Apparently, you and Batman have a common enemy.
That was with the morning mail.
[ALFRED READING TEXT]
Chess pawns. Clock. Match. All physical objects, man-made.
ALFRED: Small in size, light in weight. -What's the connection?
With all due respect, sir, I think that's why they call him the Riddler.
[GRUNTS]
May I help you, Master Grayson?
How come this the only locked door around this museum?
What have you got back there?
Master Wayne's dead wives.
The silver closet. On your way.
EDWARD: Now you can be part of the action.
Nygmatech brings the joy of 3-D entertainment...
...into your living room.
Ladies and gentlemen, let me tell you...
...my vision.
The Box in every home in America...
...and one day, the world.
[ALL CLAMORING]
NEWSCASTER: In local news, Edward Nygma's 3-D Box...
...has become the rage of Gotham.
Rioting occurred last night at electronics stores, which were sold out.
There is hardly a home without the Nygmatech Box.
Critics have claimed the Box turns Gothamites into zombies.
But Edward Nygma just shrugs:
"That's what they said when TV was invented."
[MUMBLING]
Master Dick?
DICK: Up here, Al.
Just checking, young sir.
[DOOR OPENS]
Now.
[GRUNTING]
Aah!
[GRUNTING]
COMPUTER: Intruder alert. Intruder alert.
[COMPUTER WARNING CONTINUES]
[THUD]
CHASE: Oh, I have something for you.
It's on the table.
I hope you like it.
Call it clinical intuition.
I thought your dreams might need changing.
My parents were murdered in front of me...
...when I was just a kid.
I don't...
...remember a lot of what happened.
What I do comes to me in my dreams, flashes.
There's a new element now, though, I haven't seen before.
It's a red leather book.
Something else.
My dreams are coming to me when I'm awake now.
Bruce, you're describing repressed memories.
Images of a forgotten pain that's trying to surface.
[TEA KETTLE WHISTLING]
Oh, damn. Wait, I'll be right back.
[SIGHS]
[DOOR CLOSES]
Is it possible...
...there's an aspect of your parents' death that you haven't faced?
And you were so young when it happened.
Maybe I'll leave you two alone.
This goes way beyond taking your work home, doesn't it, doctor?
All right.
I think he's fascinating.
Clinically.
Why does a man do this?
It's as if he's cursed to pay some great penance.
Now, what crime could he have committed to deserve a life of nightly torture?
It's more than just...
...professional interest, isn't it, Chase?
Bruce, are you jealous?
No, I--
I can't be jealous of Batman.
I wanna be close, but you won't let me near.
What are you protecting me from?
You wanna know me?
You wanna know who I am?
I guess...
...we're all two people.
One in daylight, and the one we keep in shadow.
Rage, violence...
...passion.
[BEEPING]
Excuse me.
I'm kind of busy.
I'm sorry to bother you, sir.
I have some rather distressing news about Master Dick.
What, is he all right?
I'm afraid Master Dick has gone traveling.
He ran away?
Actually, he took the car.
-He boosted the Jag? -Not the Jaguar. The other car.
-The Bentley? -No, sir.
The other car.
[WHOOPING]
[THUGS LAUGHING]
[SIREN WAILING]
Come for a little ride in my love machine, babies. Whoo!
THUGS: Whoo!
Chill, dudes, it's Batman.
WOMAN: Open up, Batman.
Wait a minute. That's not Batman.
-What are you talking about? -That's Batboy.
[ALL LAUGH]
It ain't the Bat.
[WOMAN SCREAMING]
[THUGS HOLLERING]
THUG 1: Go, go!
[THUGS WHOOPING]
DICK: Hey! Hey, let her go!
THUGS: Oooh.
[THUGS TAUNTING, CACKLING]
[WOMAN CRYING]
Who the hell are you?
I'm Batman.
[THUGS LAUGHING]
Hey, so I forgot my suit, all right?
[GROWLING]
Ahh.
-Come on, run! -Wait.
Doesn't Batman ever kiss the girl?
-Go. WOMAN: Thanks, you saved my life.
I could definitely get into this superhero gig.
[WHISTLING]
[YELLING]
Batman!
Bastard!
It should've been you! It's your fault!
If you'd told Two-Face who you were at the circus...
...they'd still be alive!
[PANTING]
If Bruce Wayne could have given his life for your family, he would have.
All I can think about every second of the day is getting Two-Face.
He took my whole life.
When I was out there tonight...
...l imagined it was him that I was fighting.
Even when I was fighting you.
And all the pain went away.
-Do you understand? BRUCE: Yes, I do.
Good. Because you gotta help me find him.
And when we do...
...l'm the one who kills him.
So you're willing to take a life?
As long as it's Two-Face.
[SIGHS]
Then it will happen this way:
You make the kill.
But your pain doesn't die with Harvey, it grows.
So you run out into the night to find another face...
...and another and another...
...until one terrible morning you wake up and realize...
...that revenge has become your whole life.
And you won't know why.
You can't understand.
Your family wasn't killed by a maniac.
Yes, they were.
We're the same.
Well, if we're the same, Bruce, help me. All right? Train me, let me be your partner.
No.
I can't.
You still have a choice.
Look, Bruce, I'm a part of this, whether you like it or not.
[DOOR OPENS]
[PEOPLE CLAMORING]
NEWSCASTER: And tonight, all of Gotham society has turned out...
...for Edward Nygma's gala unveiling of his new, improved Box.
-Thanks, AI. -My pleasure, sir.
They'll be dining and dancing the night away on the glamorous roof...
...of the Ritz Gotham.
[PLAYING UPBEAT TUNE]
[PEOPLE CHATTERING]
MAN: Mr. Nygma, what's it like to have your face...
...on the cover of every magazine in Gotham?
Ah! Ha!
WOMAN: Edward, how does it feel to be the city's newest, most eligible bachelor?
Gotham must know. Oh!
There's Bruce Wayne. Brucie.
MAN 1: Over here. MAN 2: Mr. Wayne.
Oh, Eddie, he is too cute.
How come you don't look so good in that suit?
Shut up. You're here to work.
-How's my mole? -Fine.
MAN: Mr. Wayne, Mr. Wayne.
What about rumors of a Nygmatech takeover of Wayne Enterprises?
Nygmatech's stock is outselling Wayne Enterprises' 2-to-1.
-Are you yesterday's news, Bruce? EDWARD: Yes, yes, yes.
Bruce, old man.
The press were wondering what it feels like to be outsold, outclassed, out-coiffed...
...and generally outdone in every way.
Hello, Edward. Congratulations.
Great party. Nice suit.
Wit. Good.
-And you are? -Chase.
And what a grand pursuit you must be.
I'm Bruce Wayne, Miss...?
[CHUCKLES] Oh.
You can call me anything you want.
Ladies and gentlemen, the future.
My new, improved Box offers fully interactive holographic fantasies.
[PEOPLE MURMURING]
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
Edward, you're dashing and a genius.
How do you create these images, hon?
That, my dear, is my little secret. Ta!
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
Fully interactive holographs.
Only a high-frequency carrier wave beamed directly into the brain...
...could create such images.
Yeah, and you wish you thought of it.
Yes, don't be a sore loser, Brucie. Step inside. Give it a try.
Edward, if you can introduce images into the mind...
...what prevents you from extracting images out of the mind?
Oh....
Too timid to try my machine? Just say so.
[SIGHS]
Shall we dance?
[SLOW MUSIC PLAYING]
SUGAR: Naughty, naughty.
Looking for something?
Well, I was just-- Just wondering how you turn it off.
[MACHINE TURNS OFF]
Ah. Clever.
-Thanks. -My pleasure.
[MACHINE ACTIVATES]
COMPUTER: Good evening, Mr. Wayne.
Relax.
Tell me your dreams.
Tell me your fantasies.
Tell me your secrets.
Tell me...
...your deepest, darkest fears.
[THUGS GRUNTING, PEOPLE SCREAMING]
[GUNSHOTS]
No, no, no.
[GUNSHOTS CONTINUE]
[LAUGHS]
TWO-FACE: Relax, folks.
It's only an old-fashioned, low-tech stickup.
We're interested in the basics: cash, jewelry, cellular telephones.
Hand them over nice and quietly and no one will be hurt.
-Emergency, Alfred. ALFRED: Yes, sir.
Be calm, everybody. Just be calm.
Excuse me.
[PEOPLE SCREAMING]
You're ruining my big party. Are you insane?
We're sick of waiting for you to deliver the Batman.
Patience, O Bifurcated One.
Patience, hell, we want him dead!
And nothing brings out the Batman like a little murder and mayhem, baby.
The least you could do is let me in on the caper.
We could have organized this, planned it, pre-sold the movie rights.
[RUMBLING, GLASS BREAKING]
Batman.
Your entrance was good, his was better.
The difference? Showmanship.
Emergency, Alfred.
Oh, sir. I could be fired for this, sir.
Perhaps they'll have me back at Buckingham Palace.
[SCREAMS]
[LAUGHING]
-Ow! -All right, boys! Phase 2!
Mmm!
My place, midnight.
[LAUGHING]
[PEOPLE APPLAUDING]
Ha! Ha-ha!
Ha-ha.
[GRUNTS]
[LAUGHS]
[TWO-FACE LAUGHING]
[GAS HISSING]
Nothing like a bad case of gas. Ha-ha.
[TWO-FACE LAUGHING]
[ALL LAUGHING]
Oh-ho.
Why can't you just die?
[TWO-FACE LAUGHING]
Hi.
[GRUNTS]
-What did you think you were doing? -You got a real gratitude problem, Bruce.
I need a name. Batboy? Nightwing? I don't know, what do you think?
What's a good sidekick name?
How about, "Dick Grayson, college student"?
Screw you. I just saved your life. You owe me.
You were out of control. You're gonna get yourself killed.
-You're looking at your new partner. -No.
Bruce, whenever you go out at night, I'll be watching.
And wherever Batman goes, I'm gonna be right beside him.
I mean, how are you gonna stop me?
I can stop you.
[CLEARS THROAT]
Al, hang this next to the Batsuit.
Where it belongs.
And you're encouraging him.
Young men with a mind for revenge need little encouragement.
They need guidance.
You, above all, should know the consequences of the life you choose.
Even Chase calls being Batman a curse.
ALFRED: Perhaps the lady is just what the doctor ordered.
She seems lovely and wise.
BRUCE: I've never been in love before, Alfred.
Go to her.
Tell her how you feel.
She wants Batman, not Bruce Wayne.
Let the lady decide.
I'm sorry.
l-- I can't believe this.
l-- I've imagined this moment since I first saw you.
Your-- Your eyes.
Your lips.
Your body.
And now I have you...
...and I'm wishing you were somebody else.
[SIGHS]
I guess a girl has to grow up sometime.
I've met someone.
He's--
Well, he's-- He's not you.
I hope you can understand.
I understand.
Well.
[CAPE FLUTTERS]
[ELECTRICITY BUZZING]
[SOBBING]
That's just what I said.
Then I taught my doggie a new trick:
How to map the human mind.
Would you like to see what our old friend Bruce Wayne has in his head?
[DEVICE ACTIVATES]
W-w-woo!
[GASPS]
Riddle me this.
What kind of a man has bats on the brain?
[LAUGHING]
-Go ahead. You can say it. -You're a genius.
Oh, stop.
[BOTH LAUGHING]
So from this day on...
...Batman is no more.
You can't just quit. I mean, there's monsters out there.
Batman has to protect the innocent.
I've dedicated my life to helping strangers I've never met.
Faces I've never seen.
Well, the innocent aren't faceless anymore.
You can't tell me what I'm gonna do with the rest of my life.
Lookit, my dad told me that every man goes his own way.
Well, my way goes to Two-Face.
You gotta help me.
And if you do find Harvey and then you kill him, what next?
[SIGHS]
Exactly.
Then you'd be alone, like me.
No, you've got to let this go.
Listen to me, Dick. I'm your friend.
I don't need a friend right now, all right? I need a partner.
Two-Face has gotta pay.
Please.
Chase is coming over for dinner. I'm going to tell her.
Everything.
Come on upstairs. We'll talk.
-Good evening, Dr. Meridian. -Good evening, Alfred.
ALFRED: Happy Halloween. CHASE: Heh. Happy Halloween to you.
[HOOTING]
Well, I asked you here tonight...
...because there's something that I wanted to tell you.
I wanted to tell you something too.
-What I wanted-- -It--
-Go ahead, you go first. -All right, okay.
[DOORBELL RINGS]
KIDS: Trick or treat!
[KIDS LAUGHING]
All my life, I have been--
I've been attracted to a certain kind of man.
The wrong kind of man.
And-- I mean, look what I do for a living, right?
And since-- Since I met you, I....
Oh, God.
Why am I so nervous? Oh!
[THUNDER CRASHING]
And don't eat too much tonight...
-...or you'll be sick in your beds. KIDS: Thank you, Alfred.
[KIDS CHATTERING, LAUGHING]
[LAUGHING]
Happy Halloween.
[THUNDER CRASHING]
Oh.
Bruce, what's wrong?
BRUCE: It's happening again.
Flashes. My parents' death.
Your memories are trying to break through, don't fight them.
I want to tell you something.
-Something I've never told anyone. -It's all right.
It's all right. I'm here.
[THUNDER CRASHING]
CHASE: I'm here.
"That where there is wrong, I may bring the spirit of forgiveness."
BRUCE: The night of my parents' wake...
...the priest's words gave no comfort.
Of course.
There, on my father's desk, the red book.
His journal. He'd written in it every day of my life.
But now he'd never write in it again.
At that moment, I knew my life would never be the same.
I raced out into the storm...
...trying to outrun the rage. The pain.
And then I fell.
I fell forever.
The cave was monstrous.
It must have been there for centuries.
And there, deep in the shadows...
...I saw....
It was coming toward me.
I was scared at first, but only at first.
The figure in the dark was my destiny.
It would change my life forever.
I would use its image to strike terror into the hearts of those who did evil.
I would ensure what happened to me would never happen to anyone else again.
I would have my revenge.
Bruce, what are you trying to tell me?
Chase, I-- I'm--
[CHASE BREATHING HEAVILY]
[IN UNISON] Twick or tweet!
Trick.
[LAUGHING]
[THUGS MUMBLING]
Remember the plan. Seize and capture.
-No killing. -That goes double for you.
If I was a superhero, where would I hide?
Uh--
Spank me.
[ALL YELLING]
COMPUTER: Intruder alert. Intruder alert.
RIDDLER: "Intruder alert. Intruder alert."
Shut up!
[MACHINES ACTIVATING]
Now, that's impressive.
[SQUEALS]
[GROANS]
You know, it's always risky introducing a tamed animal into the wild.
[EXPLOSION]
[HUMMING]
They may have trouble adapting to their new environment.
Aah!
Hmm.
[HUMMING]
Yah!
Somebody tell the fat lady she's on in five.
[BEEPING]
[HUMMING]
[LAUGHING MANIACALLY]
Joygasm!
[THUGS YELLING]
[LAUGHING]
[GRUNTS]
TWO-FACE: Get the girl!
[THUGS LAUGHING]
No!
Don't kill him.
If you kill him...
...he won't learn nothing.
[BOTH LAUGHING]
CHASE: Bruce! Bruce! Bruce!
Bruce! Bruce!
ALFRED: Master Bruce.
How are you, young man?
You haven't called me that for a long time.
Old habits die hard.
Are you all right?
-Where's Chase? -I'm afraid they've taken Dr. Meridian.
Master Dick has run away.
The cave has been destroyed.
And there's another riddle.
[GRUNTING]
RIDDLER: I'm coming, my sweet.
[CHUCKLING]
Like the jacket?
It keeps me safe when I'm jogging at night.
Batman will come for me.
Batman?
[MOCKINGLY] Batman, you say?
Coming for you? Hoo-hoo-hoo.
Brrrr! Brrrr!
I'm counting on it!
What is that? Where's that coming from?
-There. -Who the hell's doing that?
The Riddler.
[BRUCE READING TEXT]
In.
A, E, I, O, U. Vowels.
Not entirely unclever, sir.
But what do a clock, a match...
...chess pawns and vowels have in common?
-What do these riddles mean? -Every riddle has a number in the question...
...and they arrived in this order: Thirteen, one, eight and five.
ALFRED: Thirteen, one, eight and five.
-What do they mean? -Perhaps letters of the alphabet?
Of course, 1 3 is M.
One would be A, eight would be H and five would be E.
M-A-H-E.
Perhaps one and eight are 1 8.
Eighteen is R.
M-R-E.
How about Mr. E?
-Mystery. -And another name for mystery?
Enigma.
Mr. E. Nygma. Edward Nygma.
Stickley's suicide was obviously a computer-generated forgery.
ALFRED: You really are quite bright, despite what people say.
Are all the Batsuits destroyed, Alfred?
All except the prototype with the sonar modifications you invented.
But you haven't tested it yet.
Tonight's a good night.
What do you suggest, Alfred? By sea...
...or by air?
ALFRED: Why not both?
Who's your tailor?
I took the liberty, sir.
"R"? What's that stand for?
Robin.
Riddler and Two-Face can make a pretty lethal combination.
I figured you could use a hand.
Two against two are better odds.
I can't promise I won't kill Harvey.
A man's gotta go his own way.
A friend taught me that.
Not just a friend.
A partner.
[WHOOPING]
He's not coming. Shut it down.
[RUMBLING]
Wait a minute, wait a minute.
[YELLS]
Go, go.
[BEEPING]
[BOTH LAUGHING]
A-14.
Hit.
-Sweet. -B-12.
Hit. And my favorite vitamin, I might add.
Oh.
[LAUGHS]
-Oh, that sinking feeling. -I like this game.
C-9.
Aah!
You sunk my battleship.
-Who, me? Ha-ha. -Ha-ha-ha-ha!
[BEEPING]
This is your captain speaking.
Please return to your seats. We will be experiencing turbulence.
[LAUGHTER]
Aah!
I got him.
[RAPID BEEPING]
[EXPLOSION]
I hope they can find the little black box.
[GRUNTING]
Now...
...the real game begins.
[PANTING]
-Holy rusted metal, Batman. -Huh?
[KICKING GROUND]
The ground, it's all metal. It's full of holes, you know? Holey.
Oh.
[RUMBLING]
Robin, wait.
ROBIN: The whole island's moving.
[WIND HOWLING]
Looking for us?
Ha-ha. Wah!
ROBIN: That was for my mother!
My father!
My brother!
And this is for me.
[GRUNTS, SCREAMING]
[THUDDING]
[METALLIC CLINKING]
Finally, justice is served.
Let us die.
TWO-FACE: You're a man after our own heart, son.
I'll see you in hell.
I'd rather see you in jail.
Oh, good boy.
The Bat has taught you very well.
Noble. Stupid, but noble.
[SCRAPING]
Riddle me this, riddle me that.
Who's afraid of the big black bat?
No more tricks, Edward.
Very well, then.
Let's get real.
Release Chase. This is between you and me.
And me. And me!
[LAUGHING]
You've been sucking Gotham's brain waves. Now you've devised a way to read minds.
[LAUGHS]
You betcha.
Soon my little Box will be on countless TVs around the world...
...feeding me credit-card numbers, bank codes...
...sexual fantasies and little white lies.
Into my head they'll go.
Victory is inevitable.
For if knowledge is power...
...then a God am...
[GROWLING] ...l.
[INHALES DEEPLY]
Was that over the top? I can never tell.
[LAUGHS]
By the way, I've seen your mind, freak.
Yours is the greatest riddle of all.
Can Bruce Wayne and Batman ever truly coexist?
We'll find out today.
But first, let's meet our contestants.
Behind Curtain Number 1...
[MUFFLED GRUNTING]
...the absolutely fabulous Dr. Chase Meridian.
She enjoys hiking, getting her nails done...
...and foolishly hopes to be the love of Bruce's life.
-Ha! -Ha.
And behind Curtain Number 2...
[GRUNTS]
...Fatman's one and only partner.
This acrobat turned orphan...
...likes Saturday morning cartoons and dreams of one day being...
...bare naked with a girl.
[GASPS, LAUGHS]
And below these contestants, my personal favorite:
A watery grave.
Just one little touch and five seconds later...
...these two day-players are gull feed on the rocks below.
Ha!
Not enough time to save them both.
Whooo-ooo-ooo.
Which one will it be, Batman?
Bruce's love?
Or the Dark Knight's junior partner?
[CLICKING TONGUE]
There is no way for me to save them or myself.
This is all one giant deathtrap.
Judges? Eh!
I'm sorry. Your answer must be in the form of a question.
-But thank you for playing. BATMAN: Wait.
-I have a riddle for you. -For me?
Really?
[CHUCKLING]
Tell me.
I see without seeing.
To me, darkness is as clear as daylight.
What am I?
Please. You're as blind as a bat.
Exactly.
[SCREAMS]
[ALL SCREAMING]
Bummer.
[SCREAMING]
Hah.
Thanks.
[LAUGHS]
All those heroics for nothing.
No more riddles, no more Curtains 1 and 2.
Just plain curtains.
[LAUGHS]
Aren't you forgetting something, Harvey?
Your coin.
You're always of two minds about everything.
Yes, of course. You're right, Bruce.
Emotion's always the enemy of true justice.
Thank you. You've always been a good friend.
[SCREAMING]
[COINS CLINKING]
Why?
Why can't I kill you?
Too many questions. Too many questions.
Poor Edward.
I had to save them both.
You see, I'm both Bruce Wayne and Batman.
Not because I have to be.
Now, because I choose to be.
[SCREAMING]
[THUNDER CRASHING]
MAN: Thank you for responding to my request for a consultation, Dr. Meridian.
Edward Nygma has been screaming for hours...
...that he knows the true identity of Batman.
[WATER DRIPPING]
CHASE: Edward?
EDWARD [SING-SONG VOICE]: Who is it?
It's Dr. Meridian. Chase.
Do you remember me?
[WHISPERS] How could I forget?
Dr. Burton tells me...
...you know who Batman is.
EDWARD: I can't tell you if you don't say, "Please."
Edward, please. Who is Batman?
I'm Batman.
[LAUGHING MANIACALLY]
Your secret is safe.
He is definitely a wacko.
Wacko. Is that a technical term?
[CHUCKLES]
Listen.
BRUCE: I won't be needing this anymore.
Thank you for giving me a new dream.
[SIGHS]
Don't work too late.
[ENGLISH SDH]
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