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Do I look overdressed, Vince?
You gotta dress like they're pulling you out of your day.
Get all suited up, you look fucking desperate.
- Is your name Vince, asshole? - You look good, Johnny.
Besides, why would you listen to a guy...
who's only worn sweats since the eighth grade?
I know things.
- Ari. - Welcome.
Koppelman bar mitzvah is in Ballroom 3, by the way.
- I knew it, I look desperate. - I'm kidding, you look amazing.
You're fucking old school. Where's he going?
He's going downstairs to Adam Davies' office, third floor.
Thanks a lot, Ari, I appreciate it, man. Turtle, roll with me.
- Come on. - All right.
Good luck, bro.
- Thanks, man. - Break a leg.
You have a good weekend? You ready for this?
What?
What are we doing here, Ari?
I'm pulling out the big guns. Showing you the power of this agency.
- It's just a meeting, right? - No, it's not just a meeting.
- It's not, then what is it? - It's a fucking experience.
Gentlemen, welcome to mecca.
Big opening, baby. $18.6 million!
This is what happens when your movie opens huge. $18.6 million.
Excuse me, honey, do you know where I could find Adam Davies?
- Yeah, two down on the left. - Thank you.
You got any bagels or anything at all?
I want to start by saying you could not be in a better position...
and we are so fucking proud of you.
We got a lot of stuff to get to. Start us off, Trish.
Koresh, a gritty feature version about the FBI's take down...
of the Branch Davidian leader.
The studio's interested in Vince for either David Koresh...
or the young, out-of-control FBI agent.
- Director status? - They are out to Milos Forman.
Milos Forman's a genius, you see Cuckoo's Nest?
- No, I did the play in high school. - All right.
- And he was great, I saw it. - I sucked.
All right, check this out.
Is there anymore of that tuna tartare?
Absolutely. Keep it going, what do we got?
The Last Wasteland.
James Gray scripted a smart tale about the American worker...
but set against a post-apocalyptic underwater society in 2050.
They're talking to Charlize Theron for the female lead.
- She's great, we loved Monster. - She's hot.
Put a check next to that.
Charlize has a statue, let's get Vinny a statue.
So what, are they redoing your office?
I haven't been assigned an office yet.
Adam Davies' office. He's in a meeting, can he return?
When I read the e-mail that Vincent Chase's brother...
needed an agent, I assumed it must be his younger brother.
Biologically, I'm older, but I think we play around the same age.
What have you been doing lately, John? You working at all?
I've been working steady for the last twelve years, minus the last three.
I'll fight for you. But I can't lie.
It's not gonna be easy to get you back in the game.
Back in the game?
I am the fucking game, pal.
Come on, Turtle, let's go.
Back in the game.
Some pretty good ideas, though.
What the American Taliban: The John Walker Lindh Story?
Did it happen?
It was one idea, but it happened.
Listen, I'm tired of this. I've asked you 10 times now.
Why isn't the deal for Queens Boulevard done yet?
Because there is no offer. Why is there no offer?
There's no money. No money means it's not a real movie.
Which means they're just a bunch of words on a page.
- Yeah, but they're good words. - Great words.
These scripts that you're talking about, they could be good, and they could suck.
- They could suck, Ari. - This we know is good 'cause this we lived.
You know what? E's right.
We should just focus on Queens Boulevard.
You know what they feed people on an indie set, Vinny?
Nothing. No trailer. They tell you to go sit on an apple box.
You ever try to bang an extra on an apple box?
- Lf anybody could do it, Vince could. - I do have great balance.
Look, okay. We threw out, what, 10 ideas?
Ari, stop, you're not listening to me.
Look at me. We want to do Queens Boulevard.
Sit down, do what you got to do, call who you got to call...
stop the agenting bullshit, and get us a fucking offer.
Damn.
My boy's blossoming.
- Good work, E. Way to keep him on his toes. - What did he do?
He had Ari freaking. I thought he was going to cry.
I had to straighten him out a bit. I'm tired of his bullshit all the time.
- You the man! - Johnny, how did your meeting go?
Wake up, Drama. They're asking how your meeting went.
This guy, with no office...
no assistant, answering his own fucking phone...
is willing to hip pocket me.
Can you believe that shit?
You want to fire Ari, Vince.
Fredo is angry.
I'm serious, Vince, the guy does nothing for you.
All right, what are you so upset about?
You asked him to help me with representation.
The best he can do is Adam Davies?
- You serious, Drama? - You know what, Johnny's right, E.
I asked Ari to help him and he sets him up with a glorified assistant.
- I'm actually semi-upset. - Thanks, Vince.
At least you're dressed up for tonight, Drama.
- We still have to go to this thing? - It's for Shauna, we have to go.
This fucking art, man. Fuck art.
What are we? Come on.
It's a very nice of you to show up.
- What is this crap? - He's Shauna's client, so be nice.
Why, is he retarded?
This piece evokes all of the emotions...
from what I call a discombobulated man.
This is emotional dyslexia.
This is emotional confusion.
And what is emotional confusion, you ask?
It's like running naked through a cornfield backwards at midnight.
That was beautiful, Gary.
You know...
this kind of reminds me of Jason Pollock's early work.
He employs a similar technique. Pointillism, they call it.
- How do you know? - I read for Basquiat.
Nice try, Drama, but first of all his name is Jackson Pollock...
and his work was called abstract expressionism.
Pointillism's a style using points of color, this is neither.
- Yeah, you're full of shit. - I took art history in college.
- Yeah, community college, loser. - At least I went to college.
- I was working. - Schmucks.
What?
Do you like the work or not?
- Phenomenal. - Fabulous.
Sweet stuff.
- Gus. - Johnny Drama.
- How are you? - Good, how are you?
- Good, what are you doing? - I'm working.
- Glad to have the job. - Get out of town.
Gus, I can't believe this.
You were the second lead in Cornelius and Son.
- I was only a recurring. - That was nine years ago.
Your brother's doing great.
Yeah, everyone gets their moment.
This catering company is really cool.
Most of the waiters are actors. They're really flexible when it comes to...
going on an audition, or getting a job, a commercial or something.
That's cool, man.
So, you know, if you want to make a few extra bucks.
- Yeah. Thanks, Gus. - Shrimp puff?
- What the fuck did you say? - Shrimp puff.
No, I'm good.
- Shauna. - Josh.
I want the most expensive piece your boy's got.
You're a doll. Gary is going to be thrilled.
You know Josh, we share some clients.
- What's up, E? - How you doing, Josh?
- He gave us Queens Boulevard. - I rep the writer.
Yeah, he's a hack.
- I'm kidding, I loved it. - Come on!
- Emily, how you doing? - I'm pretty good, how are you?
Great, you kidding me?
You guys know each other?
Yeah, we both started in the mailroom together.
Remember that, Josh?
Guys, I'm having a little bash at my place in Malibu this Saturday.
It's gonna be off the hook, you guys should come.
Yeah, any girls gonna be there?
The only girls in this town who won't be there are the ugly ones.
You're so gross.
We'll be there.
Great. E., see you then. Vince.
Eric, Ari would freak if he knew you were going...
to a party at Josh Weinstein's.
- Why? It's a party. - No, you have to tell him.
- Lf you don't tell him, I have to. - So tell him.
You're going, too, we have plans on Saturday night, remember?
- Man, that was chilling. - What?
- I just got offered a job. - Nice, buddy, what's it for?
Yeah, as a fucking waiter.
I don't know, Drama, that's a lot of responsibility.
- Maybe you should try out busboy first. - Eat shit, Turtle.
Why don't you serve it to me, motherfucker.
My bad.
- Where am I going? - Ivy, you're 20 minutes late.
- Ari, I need to talk to you about something. - Walk with me.
Vince and the guys will be partying at Josh Weinstein's.
- Who's Josh Weinstein? - He's your old assistant.
I have many old assistants.
Two before me, after Jackie, before Jared.
My "J" phase, I think I fired him for stealing pens.
- Why do I care about Josh? - Now he's an agent at Triad.
And he's the one who gave the boys Queens Boulevard.
That's why no more guys. You fire a guy and you create a rival.
You fire a woman and you create a housewife.
That's sweet, you're still late.
Hold all my calls, get mini-Vince on the phone.
- Hello? - Hey.
Saturday, grab the boys, I got the floor seats.
- Really? - Yeah, $2,400 a pop.
You're gonna be sitting on Jack's lap.
Guys, Ari's got floor seats for the Lakers on Saturday.
- Who they playing? - Who they playing?
Playing the Wizards, it'll be a great game.
- Wizards. - Fuck that, bro.
- No go, Ari. Thanks, anyway. - They're playing the Cavs Sunday night.
- That's King James. - Get us tickets for that.
Vince wants floor seats for Sunday.
Let me ask you something. Should I be worried about this little party...
you guys are going to over at Josh Weinstein's house?
You should be worried about floor seats for the Lakers on Sunday.
I want you to go to that party on Saturday.
Represent the agency. Let Vince know that my army's everywhere.
Ari, I don't want to get in the middle of this.
You are in the middle of this, like it or not.
You want to be a hero? You want a medal or are you a coward?
Stop the hippie shit, strap on a helmet, start shooting.
This is Malibu. I want you to storm that beach like it's Normandy.
This is great, right?
If you were at Ari's house right now, you'd be changing diapers.
I can't believe Busey's here.
$12,000 you got to pay him, Turtle? When you gonna get it to him?
Busey's a lunatic, you better pay him.
He beat up the gaffer on Point Break just for cutting in on the lunch line.
I heard that.
Some shit goes down, you guys got my back, no?
Sorry. No, I don't mess with Busey.
Pussies.
Don't worry, Turtle, I got your back. I'll put Busey on his ass.
No doubt, Drama.
Can I be straight with you? I wouldn't be here if it wasn't for Ari.
He's been like a grandfather to me. But he's trying to kill this deal.
Yeah, how's that? He said he never got an offer.
They made an offer. I spoke to Scott Wick.
You gotta step in or this movie's gonna go away.
I took a couple of bad hits.
Made a movie in Spain that tanked, then I got divorced.
Cunt took half my money...
and the rights to my only viable book property.
I started drinking. Finally pulled myself out of the gutter.
Needed something more stable, got into this.
So you like what you're doing?
You like being a waiter?
Yeah, asshole, I love serving crab cakes wearing a fucking monkey suit.
Drama, I'm freaking, man. I keep thinking Busey's behind me.
Relax, he's an old man. He'll probably split soon.
You're on his calls all day. I mean, is it true? Did we get an offer?
Eric, don't put me in this position, okay?
- What position? - He's my boss.
What if he's your boss? Who cares? Is he more important than whatever we are?
Don't ask me that.
Fine. I'll ask Ari, then.
Eric, if you call Ari, I'm leaving. Right now.
I can't.
- Honey, our kid is bored out of his mind. - You know what?
- He's having no fun at his birthday party. - What are you doing? Filming him.
How about if he does a trick, how about that?
Light himself on fire, the kids will notice him, know what I mean?
- Lf I kicked him in the head... - Excuse me, Mr. Gold.
Jeff Kahn.
- How's it going? - Good.
I'd like you to have my head shot.
Thanks. It's my kid's birthday, if you don't mind.
Yeah, no, that's great.
I totally understand, it's cool. Why don't you take my reel?
- It's got a lot of good stuff. - Thank you.
- I'm doing a showcase, actually. - Hello?
Why are you trying to shut down Queens Boulevard?
- What are you talking about? - I know Scott Wick made an offer.
Scott Wick tell you that?
No, I spoke to our new agent. Josh Weinstein, motherfucker.
- I'm doing a showcase... - Where do you think you're going?
They just flew in a liver, I gotta do the transplant.
- Where do you think I'm going? - You are such an asshole.
I'm the asshole that pays for your art lessons...
gets celebrities to attend your charity events...
- and supports your deadbeat brother. - Little agent boy...
you better be back here for the cake.
Okay.
Gary?
Gary.
- Turtle? - Yeah.
Listen, I just wanted to come over and apologize to you...
for breaking your sculpture the other night. It was an accident, and I'm sorry.
I just leaned up against it.
- It was kind of an accident... - Listen.
I could snap your sternum with one blow from my forehead to your chest...
I could raise my head up and loosen your teeth.
Knock you down, grab you by the lip...
pull you up, and tell you I'll be right back.
While we're here, we're all looking for the art within ourselves.
Gravity, inertia, and physics...
it's like a round robin.
I'm cleansing you.
In the name of art, and everything art stands for.
Remember this, art is only the search, it's not the final form.
You know you're burning these? You're burning the nutrition out of them.
- I'll have one of those. - Don't eat that, Vince, it's garbage.
I like them burned.
- Aren't you Johnny Chase? - Yeah.
We're huge fans of Viking Quest.
- Really? - Yeah.
You girls are too young to have seen Viking Quest.
We watch it all the time on the sci-fi channel.
- What was your favorite episode? - My favorite episode...
remember when you were frozen for 30 years?
And then you woke up and your wife was remarried.
- That was great. - That was awesome.
The Thawing. Your favorite episode is The Thawing?
Yeah.
Take a hike, honey.
- What? - You heard me, I said beat it.
Let's go.
What the hell are you doing?
The Thawing was Turtle's favorite episode.
- It was a setup. - Come on, we were only joking, man.
What's wrong with you?
It's over, bro. I'm gonna be working the grill at Chili's.
Come on. It's gonna work out.
Thanks, bro. I'm gonna go take a walk down the beach.
- Keep it right out here, I won't be long. - You got it, sir.
Where's Weinstein?
- Anyone seen Josh Weinstein? - He's outside drinking mimosas.
There you go, the motherfucking host of this shindig.
After that he does the movie and gets the Oscar.
That's how it went. Hey, Ari.
- That's a great story. - How you doing? Crashing parties now?
You know Joshie, here?
I don't know if you guys know, but he used to be my assistant.
- That was a long time ago. - Fourteen months, that ain't that long.
He used to make the best hazelnut latte.
He was like a chemist in there working, just like Mommy made.
- It was fantastic. - Ease up, man, it's a freaking party here.
Does your boss know that you're using his house?
'Cause I put a call into him. He and I went to school together.
I helped him cheat on his economics final.
That's how he got his degree, he owes me big time.
- You called my boss? - Absolutely.
You know what other class I took at Harvard? Business ethics.
I don't steal other people's motherfucking clients.
But in your case, I'm going to make an exception.
I'm going to take everyone.
Your B-level sitcom stars, your Reality TV writers.
When I'm done with you, you'll be repping sideshow freaks.
You need Jojo the dog-faced bitch boy?
Call Josh Weinfuck, the lightweight, pen-stealing fuckface.
That's awful.
Now, where's my boy, Vinny Chase?
Look what the tide dragged in.
Fucking beach houses, man.
Pieces of shit. If they were in town, they'd be condemned.
Nice view, though.
I hate the beach, I hate the ocean, I hate the sand. I love sharks.
I just signed the girl that got her arm ripped off.
Gonna be the one-armed Marlee Matlin.
So what are you doing here?
Okay, I think it's the height of stupidity to follow head-on with Queens Boulevard.
- That's the God's honest truth. - That's all we ever asked for, Ari.
I don't want to show you my hand. I'm working for you.
This thing turns out to be the next My Big Fat Greek Bitch...
makes $500 million, why shouldn't you get rich?
I like rich.
Ask the people that didn't get back in on the Passion.
Jesus ain't gonna save them.
Are you telling me, man-to-man, you're not trying to fuck up Queens Boulevard?
I'm not going to answer that again.
We appreciate your honesty, okay?
- Don't get used to it. - Don't worry, I won't.
You do this, the next one's a studio picture.
- We'll discuss it, I'll think about it. - No.
Franchise, baby, all right?
With a lunch box, we're gonna get you the whole action figure...
with a huge cock for me.
- All right? - It's very tempting.
- I love you. - Right back at you.
Drama, call Adam Davies back.
Come on, the guy's barely an agent.
Barely an agent got you three auditions next week, jackhole.
Call him.
Thanks, Ari.
Three auditions. Guess I don't have to be a waiter.
Gary Busey.
How are you, man? Good to see you, baby, it's Ari.
- Ari. - Yeah.
You worked craft service on Lethal Weapon I?
I did not. I used to represent you, remember?
I know you.
You are a gut maggot, with no guts.
You're gonna spin off this planet. I love it, keep at it.
- Okay, Ari. - God bless you.
God bless you.
What direction is that?
That's east, you idiot.
It's west, idiot.
I mean in New York, it's east.
- West, Turtle. - Either way, it's fucking beautiful.
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