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Okay, wait for it... wait.
Bang! Ha ha!
Get two peas and a biscuit...
and bang! Left hook, bitch.
Don't even think about getting up.
Why don't you go home with your mind intact, brother?
If you can't handle the trash talk, learn how to jab.
Then you won't have to hear it.
You know what? Go cry to your trainer. We're done.
Who you talkin' to?
Just some tool in lowa who clearly can't handle my skills.
Oh, Jesus, what? You've been up all night?
You know it. Gotta train. Somebody's got to earn us some money.
Ah yeah, right, the X-Box tournament.
That 10 grand should really keep us in diamonds and furs.
Yo, Vince, he's messing up my training.
What're you doing, E?
Don't mess with his head. Guy's my top earner.
Hey, I'm gonna be contributing to the pot too. Vince, tell these guys.
All right, you tell them your plan, Johnny.
I measured my room. It's 600 square feet.
That's 10% of the home.
Now the mortgage costs $24,000 a month.
I'm gonna pay $2,400 a month
and I'm gonna own 10% of the house.
Where are you gonna get $2,400 a month?
What, do you think I cook for free?
Okay, so Johnny's got his plan.
Turtle's got a plan. What's your plan, Manager?
I'm working on some things, Vince.
You may wanna work on calling Emily back. She left three messages.
What am I gonna say, "I'm an idiot"?
"l shouldn't have promised you the print of a movie I can't get?"
I like the idiot part.
Why don't you call Walsh?
Ah, see, here's the thing you don't seem to be grasping.
- I don't make the calls. - He don't make the calls.
- I make the movies. - He's the movie star.
And I make the money, or at least I used to.
Till he hired this guy.
- You wanted to hire me yesterday. - That was yesterday, bro.
I'll make some calls.
Hey, the manager's working.
Go get 'em!
Eric, do not fear.
I got my top lieutenants meeting me in the war room in 10 minutes.
Ari, I'm getting killed over here. Vince isn't happy.
Course he's not happy. Nobody's happy in this town except for the losers.
Look at me, I'm miserable, that's why I'm rich.
Cut the bullshit, I'm serious. Vince needs a job.
Sounds like you might too. I tell you what, Domino's is hiring.
Why don't you put that little pizza sign on top of your Maserati?
Now that is comedy.
Getting dragged through your office in front of your entire staff
by a guy half your size, now that's tragedy.
Okay, people, cancel your lunches.
We are going to close The lvy today
'cause no one is leaving this room until we score a big payday
for my boy Vinnie Chase. Who wants to be a hero?
Liz?
David E. Kelley's got a terrific new pilot.
Television?
Lots of movie stars are doing TV now, Ari. Gary Sinise--
Well, when Vince looks like Gary Sinise, he'll do television.
Peter Gallagher, Anthony LaPaglia--
Get out.
Seriously, get the fuck out.
Don't even grab a bagel. Next!
- Davies, what've you got? - Tobey just fell out of something.
Could probably get Vince half what they were gonna give him.
All right, that is what I'm talking about.
You, my friend, deserve some very expensive lox.
Would you tell Mr. Wick that Eric Murphy called again?
Murphy, M-u-r-p-h-y.
Yeah, I'm Vincent Chase's manager.
Look how puffy his eyes are.
Damn, I'm telling him to get more power on my hooks.
Check this out.
Oh-oh-oh-oh-oh!
Oh, I think you knocked his molar out. Look at this.
If only life came with a joystick, huh, Turtle?
Yeah, I know.
- Anything? - They won't call me back.
It's like they don't believe I'm your manager.
We don't believe it. Why should they?
I do like the action you're gettin' off this thing.
I know, it's like I'm superhuman.
I know 250 bucks is a lot to spend on a controller, but you know what?
Fuck it, it's a tax deduction, right?
You have to have an income to have a tax deduction.
Where's Vince's income, player?
This controller, a bag of crip weed
and I'm walking away with the belt.
Uh, Turtle, about the weed, I forgot to tell you.
I spoke to Scott over at E.A.
He says this year at the tournament they're drug-testing people.
- That's funny. - I'm dead serious.
And don't embarrass me.
I don't want them taking me off the players' club list.
Are you fucking with me?
Turtle, I got no money, I got no job,
I don't have the energy to be fucking with you.
Don't fuck around.
Hey, Ari.
Eric, I got the cash you wanted.
Yeah? Did you dust off your tranny gear and hit Santa Monica Blvd.?
That's not bad. Meet me at Earth Cafe in 20 minutes.
- I'm with Vince. - Perfect, he'll love this.
- Mike Hyer's on line three! - Does it look like I'm here?
- We got a gig. - What kind of gig?
Chaing Chung.
- What? - Chaing Chung.
Do you know what he's talking about?
No. What the fuck are you saying, Ari?
Chaing Chung is the hottest director in Hong Kong.
Tarantino has already decided he's the next guy he wants to steal from.
Cool, the guy must be good. Tarantino only steals from the best.
- That's right, baby. - So what's the movie?
Not a movie.
- What is it? Is it a TV show? - No.
Let me guess. Does it rhyme with... what the fuck is it, Ari?
- Tell us. - It's a commercial.
If you can't protect yourself,
the referee has to do it for you.
You're dropping your guard. You're dropping your guard.
I can't play when I'm not stoned.
Well, smoke a joint then, 'cause you can't win like this.
You heard Vince, I gotta be drug-tested.
Weed stays in your system for 30 days.
Nobody says you've got to quit smoking.
You just got to find yourself some clean urine.
It's the Chinese motherfucking Red Bull.
They guzzle it over there. It's on every corner.
I can't believe you want me to do a commercial.
Ari, I started in this business peddling Mentos.
I don't wanna go back.
Vinnie, all the big shots, all of them, do foreign commercials.
You think L. Ron pays for Travolta's planes? Please!
Big John has been pumping the Japs full of Sanka for years.
Ari, come on, my grandfather is Japanese.
What I say, Japs? Is that derogatory?
If you call Wick, set up a screening--
Are you kidding me? I'm not gonna call Wick
because I do not want James Cameron to see the movie.
I'm still working on getting the meeting back that you fucked up.
You let Rumplestiltskin run your career.
Oh, like you're doing so fucking great, Ari?
I mean, you promised the guy a statue, I guess you meant the Clio, right?
Ari, I don't want to do a commercial.
Vinnie, it will never appear on U.S. soil, all right?
It is one day's work.
He said he doesn't wanna do a commercial.
For half a million dollars.
What was the director's name again?
Cha-ching! I'm sorry, Chaing Chung, boom!
500 grand a day?
We should do 100 of these a year. That's 50 million.
Take the other 265 days off.
That's better than a teacher's schedule.
What do you think, E? No more movies, no more critics.
Why be a movie star when you can be an international spokesperson?
Yeah, I remember my first national commercial.
Oh, what was that, Valtrex?
Yeah it was, so fucking what?
It got me my Fiat.
Plus I got a blow job from the makeup girl putting my sores on.
- That's nice. - I wanna live in China.
Hey, Vince, why don't we replace Olga with one of these hot geisha girls?
Geisha girls are from Japan, jackass.
My point is we should have a hot cleaning lady who fucks.
- Then she'd be a hooker? - Yeah, a hooker who cleans.
Oh fuck, it's Emily again.
You can run, but you can't hide.
I'm stalling till Wick calls me back.
No, I hate it when people tell me they can't get my agent on the phone.
Don't let me start hearing about my manager too. Answer the phone.
No, you know what? I'll take it.
Come on, I'll tell her you're immersed in meetings.
- Emily. - Vince, hi.
- Hi, how are you? - Good.
Oh my God, wait-- no, stop!
Stop! He's trying to rip the phone from my hands, can you believe it?
Oh, Jesus, relax! God! Oh, take it.
Hey, Emily.
Eric, do not make like you haven't got my last 20 messages.
Uh, well... I'm having a hard time getting the print.
What you mean? How hard can it be to get a print of a movie?
The director is a bit of an egomaniac.
Does he know James Cameron wants to see his movie?
Yeah, that didn't really impress him.
Eric, I cleared James' whole schedule for this.
Don't make me look like an asshole.
If you can't get it to me, let me know as soon as possible.
Okay.
Mr. Chase?
I'm Li Lei, Mr. Chung's technical advisor.
Yeah, Li Lei, you did all the fight sequences
in Lau and Mak's "lnfernal Affairs." Those scenes were amazing.
Wait till you see what Mr. Chung has in store for you,
even more amazing. Follow me this way.
Trying to tell me you wouldn't want her
technically advising us on how to clean the house?
Chung's vision is based firmly in wu xia pian.
But he will incorporate kung fu
as an homage to Chinese new wave cinema. A sort of wire fu.
He will draw from Chinese mythology
and esoteric aspects of the martial art.
Chung sees you as an heroic knight
fighting to uphold justice in a mystical realm
where you fight powerful clans of villains who dominate society
and vie for control of the martial world.
It will include swordplay, flying,
magic and weapons.
Chung wants to know if you've ever seen
"Chinese Ghost Story" or "Swordsman."
Yeah, tell him Tsui Hark is one of my favorites.
Now imagine Tsui Hark on three bottles of Red Bull.
Very exciting stuff.
Now we drink. Cheers!
As long as the interpreter wasn't making up her own stuff,
- this guy's got an interesting vision. - I think it sounds amazing.
Maybe we should hook up with this guy after and do a movie.
Now you're talking. That's a good idea.
Does his vision include any roles for anyone else who might need a role?
Johnny, you know I always take care of you.
- Yeah, our man. - Yeah!
Hey Vince, Chaing loved you.
- He's very excited. - Oh great.
He wants you and l to get together immediately
so I can work you through some moves.
Yeah, I taught him a few things.
Brandon Lee and l used to train together.
In fact, I had a small part in "The Crow."
Yeah, he was the bird.
The Lee clan practically adopted me.
Me and Brandon used to go to Mandarette twice a week.
Why don't you meet me at gym today?
Bring your friends. I show them moves too.
Sounds good.
- She's very dominating. - I know, I like it.
You really gonna wear that color like you earned it, huh?
What are you talking about? I earned this belt.
In fact, I went as high as a green.
I just like to wear the yellow cause it makes my eyes pop.
Any luck with Wick?
I finally got his secretary to tell me he's at home.
- Headed over there right now. - Aggressive, I like that.
Hey, if you were as hot as Li I might go with you.
Come on, Turtle, let's go.
Vince, if you don't mind, as much as I'd like to see Li Lei sweating,
I gotta pass on the gym. Hack's got me a lead on some clean urine.
I'll explain it later, bro. You're gonna love it.
Looks like it's just you and me, bro,
just like the old days before these jerkoffs were around.
He's dropping bombs on his opponent.
I see you in 'em hot-ass shorts you've got on.
Oh, shit, oh!
You're getting kind of good at this shit, huh?
Good? You're a heavyweight,
I'm beating your ass with a 1 10-lb. Filipino, bitch.
Don't get cocky, motherfucker, I'll beat your ass in real life.
I got the high score in that shit.
Hey yo, Brandon, watch your little fleshy pisser, motherfucker.
I don't want you to get a drop of piss on my imported ltalian marble.
Oh, you're down, baby.
It's over! Don't even bother getting up.
Hi, uh... Eric Murphy. Is your dad home?
My dad?
My dad lives in Tennessee.
You must be looking for my daddy. Come in, he's at the pool.
Yo! Nunchucks, bro! It's been a while.
See if I still got it.
I see you have had some training.
Yeah, I wasn't bullshitting you.
- How 'bout you, Vince? - Uh, I'm a blank canvas.
I'm a little more athletic than Vince,
so you might wanna demonstrate stuff on me first.
So you're the athlete in the family, huh, Johnny?
Athlete with a nice yellow belt.
I see so many American wearing these belts
and yet they do not earn the level.
What are you saying?
Nothing.
It is just in true kung fu, we never show duan wei with belt.
It is not Chinese way.
So what is the Chinese way?
This golden dragon stands for jinlong,
ninth level, the highest level.
Well look, little Lei Lu, I earned this level.
And for your information, we're in America.
Okay, so do you want we spar a little?
Warm up? Show Vince your moves?
No.
Oh, come on, I wanna see your athleticism.
No, Vince, I'm not beating up a girl.
Only girl in the room is the one wearing pretty yellow belt.
You calling me a girl?
If the belt fits.
Don't say I didn't warn you.
Oh, you want some of that?
What if I was to do a little something like this, huh?
What if I was to do a little something like that?
Okay, you wanna play hardball, huh?
You want some of this, huh?
Go get her, Johnny, come on.
Good athleticism, Johnny.
I work with Vince now.
You go next door, get dim sum.
Yeah, dim sum, that's a good idea.
My blood sugar is kind of low.
You know, I didn't have any breakfast this morning, right?
- Take it easy. - I'll see you later.
You think you can do that to me?
No, you do it to me.
We need you to look like the expert.
If you want to be hard as iron,
you must first master laying horse stance.
Yes, ma'am.
Sorry about the son comment.
Oh, don't worry about that.
You know, he still might be my son yet.
I can adopt him, I just can't marry him.
Great country, right?
So, Eric, what's up?
You know Vince is up for "Aquaman," right?
Hmm, it's a great script.
I passed on it the first time around, you know?
And now that Cameron's doing it,
don't I look like the fool?
Anyway I promised him a print of "Queens Boulevard,"
but Walsh won't give me one.
Oh, that Walsh, he's such a brazen bastard.
He's a very tough guy to talk to.
Will you talk to him for me? For Vince?
Vince isn't here.
But you are.
So if I do this for you,
my scrumptious little lrishman,
what're you gonna do for me?
Hmm?
I am fucking with you.
I-- God, you should've seen yourself.
Anyway, yes, I will call. I will call.
- What position is this? - I just invented it.
Do you think Chaing will let us use this in the commercial?
He may. He's very creative.
No problem.
All right, let's get this over with.
Where do I take the piss test?
- The what? - The drug test.
I drank three bottles of water in the car for this,
so could we just get this over with, please?
This is X-Box, loser, not the Olympics.
We don't give drug tests. If we did we'd be out of business, idiot.
- Sucker! - They got you, Turtle.
- What the fuck do I do with this now? - Drink it.
Aha, you're not so tough now, huh?
Those games are fucking bullshit.
Calm down, Li.
I can't believe they put me up against a little kid.
- I don't know, he looks pretty tough. - He's right.
Don't get overconfident. You've got to respect your opponent.
I want you to go over there, look the kid in the eyes and say good luck.
- lt'll shake 'em. - All right.
Good luck, Turtle.
It looks like it's me and you in the first round, kid.
I just wanna wish you good luck.
Yeah, you too, fat boy.
Ha ha!
Little wise-ass.
Hey.
Eric, I tried. I tried, but...
Walsh is a Neanderthal.
- You look very nice. - What'd he say?
He said that I should go fuck my mother.
He says it's his movie. His movie! Can you believe that?
Oh, I swear to Christ,
if this movie isn't genius, I'm gonna have him killed.
What are you talking about? You can't get the print of your own movie.
- You're not having anyone killed. - You're right, I know.
But I do have a guy who could seriously destroy his credit.
Oh well then, thanks for trying.
- Okay, now duck. You have to duck. - Duck?
Yeah, you gotta learn how to defend yourself.
Vince, can I talk to you for a second?
This is important, come on.
Okay, just keep practicing that
and you'll be a champ before you know it.
Duck.
- Duck. - Rematch?
All right, look, I spoke to Wick.
Walsh says no go. I'm sorry.
What are you sorry for?
'Cause I fucked up. If you don't get this movie it's my fault.
You don't really believe that, do you?
Ari got you the meeting. I told him to postpone it.
Ah, E...
I mean,
the truth is, I fucked up.
I shouldn't have bought the house before I had the money.
Ari fucked up because he shouldn't have told me we had a deal when we didn't.
I mean you thought the script was great, and it is.
James Cameron's doing it.
Yeah, you're right.
I didn't fuck up at all. What are you giving me such a hard time for?
It's my job.
Look, if James Cameron wants me for the movie,
he'll set the meeting. Or he'll see something I've done.
There's nothing we can do. It's out of our hands.
- If he sees "Queens Boulevard" though-- - We're gonna make $500,000.
Half a mil for the day's work tomorrow.
I'm not getting myself down.
You know my father didn't make that in in his whole life.
No, mine either. He owed it though.
Yeah, so forget about "Aquaman."
If it's meant to be, then it's meant to be, otherwise fuck it.
Hey, besides, worse comes to worst, we always have Turtle.
Yeah, we always have Turtle.
- Come on. - All right, I'll call Emily.
- I'll meet you in there. - All right, man.
Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to the Hollywood Circuit
and the X-Box and E.A.'s "Fight Night" championship.
And now...
Iet's get ready to rumble.
In the red corner, from Queens, New York,
height unknown,
weight unknown,
fighting as Rocky Marciano,
introducing Turtle!
Turtle! Yeah!
Turtle! Turtle! Turtle!
In the blue corner, from the Sunshine State,
two-time X-Box Southeast Conference Champion,
Herby Green!
You're a bum!
We go to first-round action.
Come on, Turtle!
One and two, kid! Can't take it like a man!
- Oh! - He's getting killed.
Yeah! Yeah!
It's all over in the very first round!
The winner by a knockout,
Herby Green!
You guys think I smoke too much pot?
Turtle, relax. You lost a video game tournament.
Yeah, Turtle, in our eyes, you're still the champ.
The kid obviously had some kind of a cheat code, bro.
I heard he was a beta tester for that game. Knew every in and out.
- I'm working. - I'm working.
- Drama, smoke? - What am l, not working?
We're ready for you guys.
- Go get 'em. - All right.
Guess who Cameron wants to play Aquaman's mother?
I don't know, Ari. Cloris Leachman?
Huh-uh, Sharon Stone.
Guess who represents Sharon Stone?
- You do. - Uh-huh.
Take a guess who Sharon Stone is absolutely in love with.
It ain't you, you little bitch.
- It's you. - Really, like love love?
Well, she told Cameron last night at dinner
her favorite actor in this town is you.
- Sharon Stone said that? - Absolutely.
- She's still good looking. - Yeah, in the right light.
- So what do we do now? - We bundle up and hit the slopes
'cause James Cameron is coming to Sundance.
What, just to see me?
And to see the prick director that won't show him a print of the goddamn movie.
- It better kill. - Chung's ready for you.
He says we're losing light.
Okay. Good stuff, Ari.
- Good stuff, Ari. - Uh-huh, you see that?
Go get 'em, baby.
I've been looking for you.
I haven't been hiding.
It's too bad you came alone.
I am not alone.
Hey, bro!
Drink this!
Like I said,
too bad you came alone.
The Energy Drink. Good till your heart pops!
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